No such thing as a perfect relationship
What I thought was the happiest time of my life. This is a story about my and my ex-fiancee’s relationship. It’s over now so I can speak about it. We will call him Ben. I met Ben when I was 19 years old. We met in the cutest way possible. Me and my roommate at the time threw a Christmas party that invited friends, co-workers, and even some family. Well, Ben came in late the party was literally on its last leg. Just tired and drunk people all over the place. Yes, underage drinking sorry mom. He came dressed in a Santa Claus suit with Yeezys on. I love a short king so he was no more than 5 '6 skinny as hell and smelled like heaven. So of course I saw him come in but I was playing it cool. I am also fresh out of a relationship so the last thing on my mind was talking to another man.
We end up chilling on the couch and just talking back and forth for hours. It's now almost 6 am. Why am I still awake? I was playing with this man's hair and I didn’t even fully know his name. Anywho, I give him my number and send him on his way and I finally go to bed. So the next day comes and no text messages. The day after that comes and again no text messages. Now about 5 days have passed and I haven't heard from this man so I’m like well okay then. Turns out he worked with my roommate and I told her about how he hasn't texted me. She said he lost my number. Did I believe all that? Of course not. So I finally received a text and I am happy smiling ear to ear, he was so fine lord. But you all know as a woman I am not about to let him know that's how I feel.
So we begin communicating every day. This man had 2 jobs and was still talking to me every day. So Ben and I go on our first official date to IHOP. It may not seem like a lot to you all but I love IHOP's favorite breakfast place. We then begin to see each other every day. This man had 2 jobs and would get off and still come to see me and just spend time with me either at the end of the night or between shifts. I felt so appreciated. As time went on things were damn near perfect. I received words affirmation and gifts, the quality time was there he was checking every single box I needed. I was stupidly happy; smiling, laughing all the time, and being truly spoiled.
It was amazing until one night it was no longer perfect. One night at 1:41 am I was woken up by text messages from a woman we will call Sydney. Sydney tells me that Ben and she have been communicating and seeing each other but never anything sexual. Now in my mind, I’m like how are you jugging two women? Wasn’t I enough time spread out from your two jobs? I was furious with Ben. He was my perfect man and everything was falling apart. So I went quite crazy and I drove to his house at 2 am to get an answer. Now was this smart hell no! Because if you know a man woken up out of his sleep to something like this they are gonna be thinking stupid and confused. And it was exactly that stupid and confusing. Ben told me she was lying and it was made up and she paid someone to pretend to be him and all that. Do you know what I did FORGAVE HIM?? Why? Because I was in love with him. He was my perfect man.
Now my trust for him was rocky definitely cause why would she do all that if she didn't have a reason? Anyway, time goes by and we are back to being good. Ben is taking me on trips, and I'm continuing to be spoiled. Ladies love bombing is a form of gaslighting I wholeheartedly believe in. Ben and I were so good that eventually he proposed to me and I was so happy. We begin to plan and plan. More nightmares come and more lies are unveiled. Ben continued to cheat on me and talk to other women. Ben lost both of his jobs during the pandemic at the same time and me experiencing two miscarriages.
Our relationship was falling apart and the foundation was crippling. He told me he proposed to me only to prove that he loved me but not to be married yet. That took us on an even more downward spiral. As time went on he called off the engagement stating “I am forcing him into something he is not ready for”. I felt like we could get through anything still he still wants to be together and I try to make it work. I feel like I have been demoted from a dream job position and they want me to still do the same amount of work and duties with less pay. I stuck it out for about 6 months.
After that, I eventually started to look at myself and see myself withering away and I had to choose myself so I broke up with him altogether. I had never experienced pain like this. I mean months and months of crying and not eating. I was truly heartbroken. He was the love of my life and I had to choose to love myself more. It's been 2 years now and I can say I am still in some ways healing. I notice my healing through the other relationships I have been in and how I have navigated through them or lack of navigating through them. My guard is constantly up, and my love isn’t the same or is so hard. My trust is slim and hard to gain back. My heart is still big and genuine and I still love LOVE. I just won't ever allow myself to be blindsided again. It was so hard to move on. I am still battling with wanting to be married one day. My perspective was all about Ben and now I have to be all about me.
~MaKayla Wilson
